The Observations of a Curious Governess Read online

  ‘Ceecee,’ Miller responded with deeply audible affection, her dark eyes never leaving those of her mistress. For a moment the ladies separated, and I could see the large, swollen belly of Her Ladyship. Contrary to what most believe, breeding did not appear to make Lady Stanton cumbersome or awkward. The lady moved with purpose, leading her maid to the couch to the left of the room.

  For a moment, the couple were obscured by curtains, but I moved to a new angle and found my view refreshed. Miller by this stage had reclined upon the floral couch, and Her Ladyship moved and knelt before her. I watched with continued amazement those small white hands lift the maid’s skirts with practiced and deft motions. Miller wore no drawers, I noticed, and the soft white flesh of her thighs was revealed. The sun shone through the large window near the couch, and Miller’s legs glistened with soft auburn-coloured hair.

  With no hesitation, Miller’s legs parted, and I was offered a glimpse of her sex. It was clothed in dark curls and her secret nether lips were plump and a deep pink. My own sex throbbed in response. The scene was certainly from one of those forbidden artists I’d heard whispered about.

  Devilishly, I considered then how one such as I could even commence an act of such wickedness with another. If I wished to engage Mr Reeves in such a thing, how could one possibly initiate it?

  Not that I would ever do so, you understand.

  I heard Her Ladyship chuckle and without preamble leant in and kissed her, there. Good Lord in Heaven, I have never dreamt such a scene could be so wicked, or so very exciting. My loins tightened as I watched Miller’s head thrust backward, and her cap fall from her dark curls. ‘Oh Ceecee,’ she moaned.

  I could not see at this angle the exact actions of Her Ladyship’s mouth, but the scene proved to be one of the most shocking I had witnessed. Her Ladyship’s head was verily buried between the thighs of her maid, and the maid seemed to be moaning with greater and increasing fervour. Her Ladyship’s hands gripped Miller’s thighs, and held them wide to get access to her sex. Diabolical though it may have been, I wished that I could see more of what Her Ladyship did there. Clearly she must be licking her maid’s quim, but, as I watched dry-mouthed, one of Her Ladyship’s hands left the maid’s thigh, and insinuated itself in a more southerly direction.

  Miller gave a weakened cry of pleasure, and Lady Stanton’s hand began to move, backwards, then forwards, in a most regimental fashion. I realised then that she was rutting Miller with her fingers and simultaneously coaxing pleasure from that sweet hard nub I’d so recently discovered the pleasures of!

  I had no notion women could do such things together.

  It was astonishing.

  It was wicked – most certainly.

  It was arousing – beyond reason.

  As my numb hands gripped that filthy book, I could not help but wish Mr Reeves may do this me so that I too may experience the raptures that Miller clearly was finding herself in. To imagine Mr Reeves’ dark, curled hair buried betwixt my own thighs made me nearly cry with longing. It seemed everyone in this house gained this intimate satisfaction in some illicit rendezvous.

  Except me.

  What a bitter, immoral thought!

  Soon, Miller’s legs began to flinch, the motions seemingly involuntary. Her hands found Lady Stanton’s head, eased themselves beneath her mistress’ cap, and entwined with her deep auburn hair. Within a second more, the maid cried out as Her Ladyship’s hand thrust forwards a little more firmly, then was still.

  I did not dare even breathe as the two women recovered from their exertions. After a moment or two, Miller pulled her mistress’ head from its resting place on her thigh and recovered her skirts.

  ‘Come here, Ceecee,’ she whispered and patted the couch.

  Her Ladyship looked up, her expression vaguely dazed.

  ‘You do not need to reciprocate just now,’ Lady Stanton said, and made her way to the couch.

  ‘Tonight then,’ Miller said, ‘after your toilette?’

  ‘Yes,’ Her Ladyship replied, and instead of sitting beside her maid on the couch, she curled up, resting her head on her maid’s lap. ‘But I am weary now.’

  Miller’s angular face softened as she looked down upon her mistress, ‘Then rest a while, my darling,’ she said, and stroked her mistress’ cheek as she closed her eyes, her lips playing with a slight smile as she swiftly fell into a slumber.

  Well, what was I to do? I couldn’t linger overlong in the library, for my charges would soon be ready for their evening lessons! Yet I could not reveal myself to Miller and Her Ladyship after witnessing the erotic and sinful spectacle they had just partaken in. Furiously worried, I lingered a little time longer, hoping Her Ladyship may stir. Yet, she did not. Nay, she lay there upon her maid and lover’s lap for what seemed an inordinately long time. Miller remained as she was, gazing patiently out the window closest to her – no doubt enjoying her post coital quiet. I on the other hand was as tense as bow. I shrank back closer to my window. There was a wide sill there. I sank down upon it, gripping the hateful book that had caused me this trouble.

  After a time, my legs were verily tingling with nerves. I couldn’t linger any longer. The slattern wet nurse would be searching for me, and would no doubt relish enlightening the formidable (if not ancient) Nanny Parker of my tardiness.

  Then I had a clever notion.

  Mayhap I could pretend to have fallen asleep on the window seat, and woken just now. I could perhaps convince the ladies I had seen and heard naught and thus make my escape with them none the wiser. For who knew how long Her Ladyship would slumber there?

  I had made up my mind, so without waiting, I placed the damned book on the seat and affected a loud and elaborate yawn and sigh, then stirred visibly behind the curtain.

  ‘Who goes there?’ Miller’s voice was sharp and panicked.

  I pulled the curtains past to reveal myself and rubbed my eyes, feigning sleepiness. I waited but a moment, pretending my sleepy eyes had to focus, then widened my gaze in alarm. ‘

  Miss Miller!’ I cried, then covered my mouth with my hand.

  Miller looked from me down to her sleeping mistress.

  ‘Forgive me,’ I hurried, disallowing her a word in. ‘I fell asleep behind the curtains just now, and I ….’ I hesitated and looked down, wringing my hands in what I hoped she should take for agitation. ‘I fear I may be late for my afternoon classes with the children!’

  The panicked expression upon Miller’s face softened a little, and she removed her hands from stroking her still-slumbering mistress’ face. She spoke very softly indeed.

  ‘You have been asleep in here?’ she asked, her brow furrowing and her dark eyes suspicious.

  ‘Why… I am afraid so. I have not slept well of late and …’ I faded off, again affecting a position of stress and agitation.

  ‘You saw naught then, when Milady and I happened in here?’

  I allowed a confused frown to crumple my brow. ‘Why no… I heard naught. I had no notion you two were here.’ I looked at Her Ladyship then, hoping my expression was one of surprise and sympathy. ‘The poor Lady, she must be terribly tired,’ I said.

  Miller looked down at her mistress again, her frown melting. ‘She is. This child has proven a great burden, and she finds herself exhausted often.’

  ‘It is very kind that you sit with her,’ I replied, taking an obvious glance towards the door. ‘But, Miss Miller, I really ought be away. The children will be awaiting their lessons.’

  Miller nodded and I made to leave. Just as I slipped outside the room, I heard Her Ladyship stir.

  ‘Who was that?’ Her sleep-softened voice was alarmed.

  ‘Miss Swan,’ I heard Miller reply.

  ‘Oh! How long had she been here?’ The Lady no longer sounded so sleepy.

  ‘Hush. She was asleep, and unless she lies well, I do not think she witnessed anything.’

  I hesitated just out of eyeshot beyond the door, to continue listening.

  ‘Thank go
odness.’

  ‘I do not think she did see anything. She was quite convincing in her claim of ignorance. Nonetheless, it may be pertinent to revise her salary, or offer some bonus, under the guise of something else. I do not like to assume that Miss Swan would ever incite trouble, but it may be wise to offer her recompense if I am mistaken in her character,’ Miller replied.

  ‘Quite. I shall speak with Mrs Roberts to ensure she’s happily financed. You are quite right in suggesting that a contented employee is one least likely to spread malicious gossip.’

  ‘You shall have the best-paid governess in Wiltshire,’ Miller replied, with kindness in her voice.

  Reader, I shudder to think what Mrs Hester Chapone would think of me now. In less than a month, I am changed. I am scarcely the same woman who left London on her first posting. My salary at Stanton was generous enough without any amoral supplement – but would I return the funds? Nay, I would not. I wished for my sisters’ happiness, and perhaps a little of my own. Mayhap with this increase in income, a future with Mr Reeves may not be so impossible after all.

  Chapter 5

  Monday 22nd June 1813

  This morning I was given my wages. These envelopes handed out by Mrs Roberts in the servants’ quarters – an area I seldom visit, but had been called to do so for this reason. I accepted the weighty envelope with thanks and returned to my rooms before breaking my fast. When I opened the envelope I was thrilled to count out the money there. It was, I confess, a significantly increased sum from my initial expectation.

  There was one awkwardness about it however. On my walk towards the grounds for my morning constitutional, Miller interrupted my thoughts. I confess, when I looked at her all I could see was her passion-slaked expression and her white thighs parted for the head of her mistress. Would that good Lord preserve me from such thoughts!

  ‘Good morning, Miss Swan,’ said she.

  ‘Good morning indeed, Miss Miller,’ was my reply.

  ‘Did you receive your wages?’ she asked without preamble. I watched her expression for any mal-intent but could not discern any.

  ‘I did,’ I replied.

  ‘The Stantons pay well for loyal, discreet servants,’ she said. There were no grounds on which I could disagree, so I smiled, ‘They certainly do, and I shall strive not to disappoint them.’

  Miller reciprocated the smile as a way of farewell, before I went for my walk, on which I hoped Mr Reeves may join me. I am uncertain of how much longer he will be in Stanton on business, but I hope he shall remain a few more days. There are matters which I wish to resolve, and have come to think that he may be the one to assist me to do so. I have been plagued with by the notion that as a spinster I shall never experience such things as my employers. I do not wish for sin, I do not wish for scandal, but I do not wish for a life half lived either.

  ***

  As I walked down the corridor, ever admiring the art, I was surprised to come across Lord and Lady Stanton. It was unusual to see them together beyond mealtimes. It struck me as unsurprising that they may well avoid each other – each harbouring such wicked secrets as they did. They did not seem to hear my approach, though I made no effort for silence.

  ‘What is vexing you so, William?’ Her Ladyship asked. ‘I have heard naught pleasant from your mouth in days.’

  I hesitated in my approach at the sharp tone of her voice.

  His Lordship signed and looked away. ‘Ah, but these tenants and this enclosure business – it tires me terribly. I’m grateful for Mr Reeves’ assistance of course, but he’s been called back to London.’

  My heart wilted. Had he already gone, then? Without a farewell?

  ‘Can you not find another manager to assist?’ Lady Stanton asked.

  ‘Oh he’s not gone yet, but still, enclosure seems a nasty business and likely to cause much dissent amongst the tenants. It effectively takes away the common grounds they use – and that upsets them, you know. So, I’d rather like him to stay a significant while longer.’

  Lord Stanton turned his head, suddenly aware that he and his wife were not alone as they had thought.

  ‘Miss Swan.’ He inclined his head, and a smile replaced his previous unhappy expression.

  ‘Good morning, Lord Stanton, Lady Stanton.’ I bobbed nervously, running a hand down my blue muslin dress.

  ‘Do you fare well this morning, Miss Swan?’ Lady Stanton asked with an arched brow.

  ‘Quite, I thank you.’

  There was a tedious silence.

  ‘And the children?’ Lord Stanton asked, ‘What shall they learn today. More Bible readings, perhaps?’ he added, with amusement tugging his lips.

  I blushed, remembering my pious lecture of the other evening. ‘No, simple arithmetic and penmanship today, I’m afraid.’

  ‘I’m certain you shall make it verily riveting for them,’ he responded, with that insouciant grin.

  I glanced nervously towards Her Ladyship, who demurred with an inclination of the head. Her eyes seemed wary of me. Did she fear I may divulge her secret?

  ‘Well, I shall leave you to your conversation. My apologies for the interruption,’ I said and moved away.

  ‘Good day, Miss Swan,’ they replied, and I hurried away

  ***

  By the time I’d walked toward the maze where I hoped to find Mr Reeves, I was glowing with heat. I had, I confess, decided on a singularly peculiar course of action, that involved him as a willing participant. The notion had taken its time formulating itself, and although I was not at all certain of how I may proceed with my notion, it required Mr Reeves’ compliance on many levels.

  General anxiety and nerves over the situation here at Stanton was a common fixture in my mind. Try as I had to ignore them, the memories of the various debaucheries had made the physical relationship between men and women something of an obsession for me. I thought about it constantly, and I hoped, nay wished with ardent fervour, that Mr Reeves may agree to inform me, in the most basic way, the facts and realities of it all. So it was that I was immensely relieved to see Mr Reeves sitting on the stone bench, clearly awaiting me.

  At my arrival, his eyes glowed with warm affection. ‘Miss Swan, you look very fine this morning,’ he said, and bowed courteously towards me.

  I bobbed in return, ‘Why, thank you.’

  If truth be known, Mr Reeves was looking very fine also. His taut calves, wrapped in the soft leather of his boots, left nothing wanting, and his jacket enhanced the narrowness of his waist and the broad strength of his back. Why, I have never seen such a fine specimen of masculinity, not in London nor Stanton. My heart stuttered with nerves and excitement.

  Mr Reeves took my arm. ‘The blue becomes you very well.’

  I blushed. ‘Thank you.’

  Oh, how I adore this pleasant companionship we share. For all the startling and disturbing revelations I have had since coming to Stanton, there is nothing quite like the quiet companionability with Mr Reeves. Yet despite my affection for him, it is true I long something more. I ache to experience the intensity betwixt a man and a woman – and there is no man I wish to experience it with except Mr Reeves.

  We were silent a while, as I pondered all that I wished, and indeed intended, to happen between us. At length he began to speak of the tenants of Stanton as we wended our way throughout the garden. Since we’d overheard Lord Stanton at rut in the orangery, I take great care to avoid the area, and instead we made our way down to the lake that borders the woodlands at the far south of the lawns.

  ‘I pity the tenants, truly I do,’ Mr Reeves was saying. ‘Stanton has always had a great deal of common land – and it’s been a credit to the area. If Stanton takes to enclosing the common lands, many of the farmers and labourers will have no place to graze their milk cows, nor plant their vegetables.’

  I felt myself frown. ‘Why enclose, then?’

  ‘Well, it has benefits for His Lordship, of course. It rationalises the farmlands, allows for larger fields for herds or crops �
� which ultimately provide extra finance for the landed gentry.’

  I thought of the gold guineas in my drawer and my fattened wages. ‘Is His Lordship in such need of extra finance?’ I asked doubtfully.

  Mr Reeves looked down at me with a frown, clearly uncertain whether to continue. ‘I do not think that my answer is fit for your gentle ears, and it may offend,’ he said eventually.

  I bit a little giggle down. ‘My ears are gentle indeed, but my mind is not. I am a capable and independent governess, Mr Reeves; you need not fear offending me. I have discovered a resilience of character of late I had not previously perceived within myself.’

  He raised an eyebrow and offered a rakish smile. ‘If my independent lady is adamant, how could I refuse her?’

  I lowered my head and returned a modest smile towards the path. His easy accession to my wishes pleased me greatly.

  ‘I have heard it said that Lord Stanton was something of a gambler and libertine.’

  Indeed! I wanted to laugh. I know of his libertine ways. ‘Is that so?’ I said wide-eyed.

  He observed me a moment before responding, as if he doubted the honesty behind my words. I bit back a smile.

  ‘It was, however, some time past, and I have not heard of his gambling in recent years. Still, mayhap he lost a fortune and wishes to recoup it. Or perhaps he wishes to enlarge his fortune for his growing brood of children. I do not know, and am not privy to his thoughts on the matter.’

  We had come to the lake now, to find it ringed in pretty meadow flowers and willows.

  ‘Oh, but it is beautiful here,’ I gushed – for in truth it was. Stanton is quite a remarkable place for the admirer of architecture, art and fashion, as well as nature’s bounty.

  ‘It is …’ I noticed then that Mr Reeves’ body was angled towards mine in a familiar fashion and his voice softened. I looked at him and my heart constricted. Plainly I could see the want and need in his eyes. Was the same want and need Lord Stanton feels for Nancy? I think not, for his expression was gentle.